Monday, January 31, 2011
I woke up Just like i do every day only it was Saturday and i was to find my new friends outside. They didn't tell me they were coming they just came. I checked my clock and it was 6:35 AM. I couldn't just yell out the window asking them what they wanted so I got my clothes on and Sneaked outside of my room down the stairs and out the front door. I was to ask them what did they want but John whispered "come on were going to Dave's house". Dave was my best friend and i was about to tell them that when John pulled out a dozen of eggs. I could tell that we were going to vandalize his house with eggs and i realized this is going to be a long day.
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i like your story alot. I like how you kind of related it to teens by having the situation your main character has to go through. I also like how our audience is teens beacuse it keeps me interested. I think that you need to fix your paragraphs because, when you start dialouge you have to start a new paragraph.
ReplyDeletethis story was very nice. i like the way you led up to the conflict. some parts i would recommend to change how you wrote it. over all this story is very nice. i wonder what is going to happen next.
ReplyDeleteMike--what exactly does that mean, "some parts i would recommend to change how you wrote it." This advice isn't clear or helpful to Donnacha.
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